How often have you been told "just let it go?" and you're wondering to yourself "if I knew how, I would have done it already!"
Well, fast forward many years, and I am still infuriated by this seemingly sagacious advise. Because it has never made sense to me how one could "let go" of any part of one's self. How does that square with me being me precisely because of everything I've experienced?
While this is not about semantics, words are powerful. While not wanting to take issue with this advise, I would like to propose a different way of looking at the painful emotions that we would rather not have in our lives.
And the idea is simply, expanding.
Instead of wanting to detox, purge, flush out these painful emotions, what about expanding the capacity of our being to embrace. The Chinese culture is filled with idioms that invites one to "be the bigger person", "expand one's way of being", "envelop other's entirety".
Instead of believing that we need to be "purer", "better", "lighter" within our current capacity, what about the possibility that our very being has the capacity to become larger, bigger, deeper so that it can contain everything that makes us who we are.
The tough part about the "expanding" approach is non-judgment.
Not attaching moral judgments to how we feel, and simply accepting that it is what it is. And even if we still end up judging, don't feel guilty about it. And so it continues. It does get easier, and one does get faster at arresting the judgment police.
There is a fine line between being honest about one's needs, and demanding that it be fulfilled by another; being honest about one's emotions versus insisting that the world revolves around us; and being honest about one's convictions versus being dogmatic.
Do you believe that your capacity for being-ness is infinite?